Anticipatory Surrender · also called preemptive backing down
why do I flinch when someone raises their voice at me
Anticipatory Surrender is the body giving up the argument before your mouth does — the broken eye contact, the nervous laugh, the half-step back, the softened voice — all fired off in the first second of confrontation, before you have decided anything. People read that signal faster than they read your words, and they respond to the signal.
You lost the negotiation before you opened your mouth. Your shoulders already told them the price.
What to do about it
Before you respond to a challenge, plant your feet, hold eye contact for one extra second, and let your first sound be silence instead of a laugh.
Books that work on this
Each is a 90-day programme. Start with the first — later books assume the work in the earlier ones.
Restart The Body$6.99
Walk Back Quiet$6.99
The Second Chapter$6.99
The Comeback Blueprint$6.99
Rock Bottom Floor$6.99
The Restart Protocol$6.99
Failure Math$6.99
No One Coming$6.99Part of the Comeback series.
How people say it
Nobody looks this up by its clinical name. These are the ways it actually gets said.
- I break eye contact the second someone pushes back
- my body backs down before I decide to
- I laugh nervously when I am actually angry
- why do I flinch when someone raises their voice at me
- I shrink physically when confronted
- people can tell I am nervous before I say a word
- my posture gives away that I am about to fold
- I step back without meaning to when challenged
Written by Brian Spiker, who has run Spiker Carpet and Tile Care since 2013 — the receipts. More terms in the encyclopedia.