The Joke That Wasn’t a Joke · also called humor as a delivery system
why do I make jokes that are actually criticism
This is real criticism wrapped in a punchline so it can be delivered without the discomfort of saying it straight, then defended with "I was just joking" the moment it lands. The other person absorbs the hit like a real one, because it was one — the joke was never the message, it was the armor around it.
Nobody laughed because it was funny. They laughed because it was true and laughing was the only defense available.
What to do about it
The next time a joke of yours has a real complaint hiding inside it, say the complaint plainly instead, without the laugh line attached.
Books that work on this
Each is a 90-day programme. Start with the first — later books assume the work in the earlier ones.
Build Real Friendships$6.99
The Real Network$6.99
The Connection Blueprint$6.99
Marriage Is Job$6.99
Stop Lying Conflict$6.99
Friendship At Forty$6.99
The Loneliness Problem$6.99
Guard The Gate$6.99Part of the Connection series.
How people say it
Nobody looks this up by its clinical name. These are the ways it actually gets said.
- why do I make jokes that are actually criticism
- I hide real complaints inside jokes and call it teasing
- they got upset at my joke and I said I was kidding
- is my humor actually passive aggression
- I use sarcasm instead of saying what I actually mean
- why does my family joke about things that actually hurt
- I say the mean thing and then say I’m joking
- my "jokes" always seem to land on a sore spot
Written by Brian Spiker, who has run Spiker Carpet and Tile Care since 2013 — the receipts. More terms in the encyclopedia.