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Shame versus guilt

why do I hate myself after mistakes

Guilt says I did something bad; shame says I am something bad. Guilt is workable because it points at an action you can repair. Shame is paralysing because it indicts the whole person and offers nothing to fix.

What to do about it

Restate the shame sentence as a guilt sentence. Then repair the action it names.

Books that work on this

Each is a 90-day programme. Start with the first — later books assume the work in the earlier ones.

Part of the Discipline series.

How people say it

Nobody looks this up by its clinical name. These are the ways it actually gets said.

  • I feel worthless not just wrong
  • why do I hate myself after mistakes
  • difference between shame and guilt
  • I feel like a bad person
  • cannot forgive myself
  • toxic shame
  • I am the problem

Written by Brian Spiker, who has run Spiker Carpet and Tile Care since 2013 — the receipts. More terms in the encyclopedia.

About the author

Brian Spiker has run Spiker Carpet and Tile Care since 2013 — a real service business with real customers, real Google reviews, and 13 years of work most self-help authors will never do.

He writes the way operators talk: brutal, funny, and built from work that actually has to get done. Verify everything at spikercarpetandtilecare.com.