Over-Explaining · also called justification reflex
why do I over-explain every decision I make
Over-Explaining is answering a simple question, or holding a simple line, with three extra sentences of justification nobody asked for. Each added sentence is meant to make you sound more reasonable, but it reads as the opposite — the longer the explanation, the less certain you sound saying it.
Every sentence after the first one is an apology in disguise.
What to do about it
Next time you say no, stop after one sentence. Do not add the paragraph of reasons — let the silence sit instead of filling it.
Books that work on this
Each is a 90-day programme. Start with the first — later books assume the work in the earlier ones.
The Hard Talk$6.99
The Connection Blueprint$6.99
Marriage Is Job$6.99
Stop Lying Conflict$6.99
Friendship At Forty$6.99
The Loneliness Problem$6.99
Guard The Gate$6.99
Direct Is Kinder$6.99Part of the Connection series.
How people say it
Nobody looks this up by its clinical name. These are the ways it actually gets said.
- why do I over-explain every decision I make
- I justify myself even when nobody asked
- I say no and then talk myself back into yes
- I give a whole speech to defend a simple boundary
- why does explaining myself make me sound weaker not stronger
- I cannot just say no and leave it there
- I fill every silence with more words
- I ramble when I feel challenged
Written by Brian Spiker, who has run Spiker Carpet and Tile Care since 2013 — the receipts. More terms in the encyclopedia.