JADE · also called over-explaining to someone who won’t be satisfied
why do I keep over-explaining myself to people who don’t listen
The compulsive urge to Justify, Argue, Defend, and Explain yourself to someone who has already decided what they think of you, on the theory that the right combination of words will finally make them understand — when no explanation was ever actually going to be enough for them.
The paragraph was never going to convince them. The sentence was already the whole answer.
What to do about it
Say your position once, in one sentence, and then stop talking. A boundary that needs a paragraph to defend it isn’t a boundary yet.
Books that work on this
Each is a 90-day programme. Start with the first — later books assume the work in the earlier ones.
Loyalty Without Standards$6.99
Keep The Three$6.99
The Final Circle$6.99
Faith Without Apology$6.99
The Final Frame$6.99
The Connection Blueprint$6.99
Marriage Is Job$6.99
Stop Lying Conflict$6.99Part of the Connection series.
How people say it
Nobody looks this up by its clinical name. These are the ways it actually gets said.
- why do I keep over-explaining myself to people who don’t listen
- I write paragraphs defending a decision that was already final
- why can’t I just say no without justifying it
- I feel like I have to win the argument before I’m allowed to leave it
- why do I keep trying to make them understand when they never will
- I over-explain every single boundary I try to set
- I rehearse conversations trying to find the perfect explanation
- why does one sentence never feel like enough to say
Written by Brian Spiker, who has run Spiker Carpet and Tile Care since 2013 — the receipts. More terms in the encyclopedia.