Gaslighting · also called reality distortion
am I crazy or is he lying
Gaslighting is a pattern where someone repeatedly denies your perception of events until you doubt your own memory and judgement. The tell is not one argument but a cumulative effect: you start recording conversations or asking other people whether you are being unreasonable.
What to do about it
Keep a dated written record of what was said. The record is the antidote, because the tactic depends on memory being contestable.
Books that work on this
Each is a 90-day programme. Start with the first — later books assume the work in the earlier ones.
Stop Lying Conflict$6.99
Own The Conversation$6.99
Lifetime Trust Built$6.99
The Connection Blueprint$6.99
Marriage Is Job$6.99
Friendship At Forty$6.99
The Loneliness Problem$6.99
Guard The Gate$6.99Part of the Connection series.
How people say it
Nobody looks this up by its clinical name. These are the ways it actually gets said.
- am I crazy or is he lying
- I do not trust my own memory anymore
- they say it never happened
- why do I always end up apologising
- I feel like I am losing my mind
- he twists everything I say
- how do I know if I am being gaslit
- I second guess everything now
Written by Brian Spiker, who has run Spiker Carpet and Tile Care since 2013 — the receipts. More terms in the encyclopedia.