Flying Monkeys · also called family messengers
why does everyone in my family suddenly need to talk to me about him
Flying monkeys are relatives or mutual friends recruited to pressure you on someone else’s behalf — relaying guilt trips, ultimatums, or "just talk to them" pleas so the person you’re avoiding never has to approach you directly, and can later deny ever asking anyone to intervene.
If they really wanted to talk to you, they wouldn’t need someone else to do it for them.
What to do about it
Give every messenger the same line — "that’s between me and them" — and stop responding to the content of whatever they relay.
Books that work on this
Each is a 90-day programme. Start with the first — later books assume the work in the earlier ones.
The Hard Talk$6.99
Build The Family$6.99
Keep The Three$6.99
The Connection Blueprint$6.99
Marriage Is Job$6.99
Stop Lying Conflict$6.99
Friendship At Forty$6.99
The Loneliness Problem$6.99Part of the Connection series.
How people say it
Nobody looks this up by its clinical name. These are the ways it actually gets said.
- my aunt keeps texting me on his behalf
- why does everyone in my family suddenly need to talk to me about him
- they send someone else to guilt me instead of calling themselves
- my sister keeps relaying messages from my mom
- how do I get family to stop pressuring me for someone else
- everyone is suddenly checking in on my behalf
- why do they always send a messenger instead of calling themselves
- I keep getting guilt-tripped by people who aren’t even involved
Written by Brian Spiker, who has run Spiker Carpet and Tile Care since 2013 — the receipts. More terms in the encyclopedia.